Her: I brought Doggy downstairs.
Me: I don’t like you bringing him out of the house, you know that.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we might lose him.
Her: And what would happen?
Me: I would cry.
Her: Your cheeks would be profaned by a tear?
Me: Yes.
Her: I brought Doggy downstairs.
Me: I don’t like you bringing him out of the house, you know that.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we might lose him.
Her: And what would happen?
Me: I would cry.
Her: Your cheeks would be profaned by a tear?
Me: Yes.
My employment barrister friend says that the law library is full of young barristers trying to give themselves additional gravitas by employing the tics of older colleagues. Then, as time goes on, they keep up the tics out of habit. She thinks it’s quite likely that some particular tics have been knocking around since the 19th century.
I look at my (currently still poxy, since you ask) girl and I can see that she uses my turn of phrase. When I say “would you like to do whatever†she doesn’t say “yes†she says “I wouldâ€. Mr. Waffle maintains that this is an Irish thing in general as there is no word for yes or no in the Irish language, Irish people tend to answer questions by repeating the verb. But this is mere quibbling. She also has the same hand gestures as me when she’s talking. This isn’t a genetic inheritance, it’s a hanging around with me inheritance, like the barristers in the law library. Meanwhile, I can hear myself turning into my mother. And I suppose that my mother is like her mother, my Nana. And I can’t tell you how pleased this realisation has made me because my Nana was fabulous and I adored her.Â
The Princess is firmly on the mend and her spots are no longer sore. They are revolting though and falling off all over the place [“Mummy, I don’t want my yoghurt†– “Why not, honey?†– “My rash fell into it†– Delightful]. We are watching the boys anxiously for signs of spots. They had to go to the doctor for shots this morning and he reassured us that the spots on Michael’s face are just a heat rash. Our paediatrician is very nice and everything but he assumes that we know everything. “No fever, no disease, which of course you knowâ€. Er, no, actually. “For the chicken pox, no aspirin, which, of course, you knowâ€. Er, no, didn’t know that either. Of course, it’s not nice to be patronised by your doctor, but surely there must be a middle ground. I am reminded of a post by GP mama some time ago (which I cannot find to link) where she described lecturing medical students and asking them where their prostate was and none of them knew. She said “remember this moment, because in years to come, you will think that you learnt where your prostate was at the same time as you learnt where your tummy and your arms and legs areâ€.
Over the weekend the Princess developed a spot on her eyeball, painful, alarming and according to google (bloody google), potentially dangerous. On Saturday night after they were all in bed we agonised about what to do. Should we call the paediatric service in the local hospital? But suppose that they said come in and we would have to wake her up. When she had gone to bed at MIDNIGHT on Thursday and 10.00 on Friday and we were teetering about on the end of our tether. Eventually, concern for our daughter’s welfare (just) outweighed our desire to sit down and have a nice cup of tea. Some tired doctor from the paediatric service was summoned to talk to us (who’d be a doctor?) and she said, unlike the internet “oh yeah, very common, buy some zovirax ophthalmologiqueâ€. Excellent, another medicament to acquire which she won’t let us apply, at least it may be useful for the boys or for us.
Oh yes indeed, a series of checks with our parents has revealed that neither Mr. Waffle nor I have had chicken pox. My mother waxed eloquent on mumps and measles (“you were deaf for two years between four and six, you became an excellent lip reader†– a skill I have, regrettably, not retained) but no chicken pox. By all accounts, chicken pox is very infectious and deeply unpleasant for adults. The best dressed diplomat sent me an email with what, I am sure, she intended to be cheering words: ‘if it’s any consolation, it’s much better they get it at this age. The older you are, the sicker you are. I got it in my mid 20s [and it was dreadful]… [s]o you’re saved the trauma of being the middle-aged mother of a twenty-something driven to tears and the foetal position.†Not, in fact, cheering, in the circumstances. Let us trust that our parents have just forgotten our suffering through the pain and anguish of chicken pox.
Her: I have as many spots as there are stars in the sky.
Me: That’s a lot of spots.
Him: Though it’s daytime now and there aren’t any stars in the sky.
Me: Yes there are, you just can’t see them.
Him: That’s what YOU say, Columbus.
Me: So Daddy and I will be home all day today to mind you.
Her: No work?
Me: In fact, today is a holiday, it’s July 21, Belgian National Day. Nobody has to go to work.
Her: Not you, not Daddy, not Aunty Pub Exec…
Me: Actually, Aunty Pub Exec probably does have to go to work, it’s only a holiday in Belgium not in England.
Her: And Aunty Pub Exec is English.
Me: No she’s Irish.
Her: But she speaks English.
Me: But we speak English and we’re Irish.
Her: Except Daddy, he’s French, he speaks French.
Me: Well, he speaks English to me.
Her: Really? I didn’t notice that.
The poor Princess is and the rest of the world isn’t great either. Unless you count
Moldova.
The Middle East is awful. I remember hearing an Irish guy who was with the UN peace keeping force in the Lebannon many years ago blasting the Israelis and their agression and, you know, I read Pity the Nation as a student at the instigation of my then boyfriend (I feel I’ve mentioned this here before, but it was a hard read, alright).
On the other hand, an acquaintance whose sister lives in Israel described to me how driving round in their hired car all the young soldiers kept waving at them from their outposts (apparently you can tell hired cars from their plates – I imagine that this keeps you safer, if you’re a tourist) and I suppose that just makes me see the Israeli soldiers as vulnerable young fellas (and girls, though, I presume, they weren’t doing the waving). I suspect the inhabitants of Beirut have a different view.
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