Herself: Do you know which Gospel story I think is the most unfair?
Daniel: The Prodigal Son?
Me: Martha and Mary?
Her: No, no, it’s the one where the labourers work all day and those who were recruited in the morning get the same as the ones taken on at lunchtime and in the last hour.
Me: But, if it was fair to them in the morning, then why should it not be fair in the evening? What does it matter that the same price was paid to people who worked less? If they thought it was fair in the morning, then it’s still fair at sunset, surely?
Her: No, it’s not. They didn’t know he was going to be such an idiot as to pay the same to people taken on in the last hour or they wouldn’t have thought it was fair. It’s really unfair.
Me: Well, anyway, I think it’s about getting into the Kingdom of Heaven and the idea is if you truly believe and repent your sins and so on, even at the last moment, then you will get in.
Her: Well that’s not fair either and anyhow, that thing about the workers is UNFAIR.
Me: But it’s not…
Mr. Waffle [cutting across]: I think we can agree that Jesus didn’t understand industrial relations.
Not Getting Any Younger
My driving licence has just expired. I had to get a new passport photo. Compare and contrast.
Why is my neck getting shorter?
How My Mind Works
Colleague: Who is looking after this?
Me: B but she is in Brussels and A but she’s in Corfu.
Colleague: What’s A doing in Corfu?
Me: No, no, not Corfu, hang on, Corfu is in Greece which begins with G, no sorry she’s in Geneva.
Colleague: I pity your husband.
Conversations I Suspect Men Never Have
Text received from a friend: See you there at 1, I will be wearing a pink jacket to celebrate the continuing fine weather.
Upon her arrival, I said, “That jacket is more fuchsia than pink.” She replied, “Yes, I know, and I was going to say fuchsia but then I wasn’t sure how to spell it and I went to google it and then I just thought this is getting ridiculous and it’s too pretentious anyway, I’ll just say pink.”
Practical Application of Science
Me: Do you know where the round table is?
My sister: The attic.
Me: Oh God, any idea where?
Her: No. The attic is like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle; the more sure you are that something is up there, the less likely you are to be able to locate it.
Glass Half Full
We are wondering about where herself should go to secondary school. At lunch the other day, I was boring a misfortunate colleague on this issue. “What a lovely problem to have” said the childless one wistfully.
