Michael: Ah, still all these posters everywhere “No to Australia”! When will they take them down?
Me: What?
Mr. Waffle: No, Michael, that’s “No to Austerity”.
Mr. Waffle
Mocking the Exile
We were passing the Aviva stadium the other day and Mr. Waffle decided to relive with Daniel the time they had almost gone there [the crowd was too small – they didn’t end up in the main stadium]. They saw Lansdowne [a Dublin team] play Dolphin [a Cork one]. Lansdowne won.
Mr. Waffle: Remember the time we almost went to the Aviva stadium?
Daniel: Yes, Lansdowne beat Dolphin.
Michael: It was hard for Dolphin, they didn’t have much chance out of the water.
Daniel: But they live in schools, you’d think they’d be smart.
Mr. Waffle: They can’t be that smart, they keep getting caught in those tuna nets.
Oh we are all very funny.
Civics
Herself [listening to the news on the radio at breakfast]: What is all this about public sector and private sector?
Mr. Waffle: Well, there are some jobs where people are mostly employed by the government and those are in the public sector like people who work on the roads for the council or teachers who work in schools or doctors who work in hospitals. There are other jobs where people work to make a profit for a company; those create employment and provide services people want but generally their principal aim is to make money.
Her: And doesn’t the public sector make money? Can’t they work to make money?
Him: Well, generally no, for example, the army could work to do things to make money but I think most people wouldn’t want to live in a country where the army rented out its services to whoever could pay.
Her: Why not?
Him: Well think of the things the army might do to make money.
Her [pause]: They could run cake sales.
Lost and Found
I had to collect Daniel and a neighbour’s child from GAA training last night. The neighbour dropped them off and I was to collect them. I never do this normally as I am at work/indolent/put in whatever you fancy here. Mr. Waffle was away for a couple of days and he had left me detailed information about everything including GAA drop off and pick up times (school sporting events, putting out the bins etc.). He has no faith in me. I went to our club to collect the two boys at 7.
There was no sign of the 2005 boys’ squad anywhere. I checked all the fields. In mounting alarm, I checked the changing rooms and the bar. Nothing. Could I be in the wrong place? I tried ringing Mr. Waffle, his phone was off as he was in a plane. I tried the neighbours; their phones were off as they were having a romantic anniversary dinner. I approached a man training another team. “Maybe they are at another club,” he said. He started to ring around people: “Do you have the 2005 boys’ summer schedule? Oh you’re in Mallow/You’re on your bike” and so on. I was grateful but I was also imagining the two lads having decided to walk home or something daft. It was half an hour after the end of training at this stage and there was no sign of them. Then I saw one of the other parents. “Where are the 2005 boys?” I asked him. “They’ve been training down the road since April; your fella was there, I saw him.” I drove down the road like the clappers and there were the two boys with a kind coach waiting patiently.
When Mr. Waffle got in I asked how in the list of things, he could have forgotten to mention to me that the boys weren’t training in their own club. “Oh yeah, sorry,” said my very organised husband. I’m still recovering.
Yes
Herself: So then I said to J that I thought my solo went well and then I felt so bad because, of course, she couldn’t do her solo because she wasn’t at school for practice because she was sick and she probably thought I was getting at her.
Mr. Waffle: Being a girl is really complicated, isn’t it?
Higher Level Worrying
Herself: Where will I go to secondary school?
Me: We’ll see.
Her: When will you decide?
Mr. Waffle: Well there are lots of things to consider.
Me: For example, you might want to look at additional activities offered in school like music or sport or debating.
Her: What’s debating, I don’t know anything about debating, how will I be able to debate?
Mr. Waffle: Don’t worry, you’re a natural.
