Daniel (dividing Jenga Blocks into piles): Is 26 half of 52?
Me: Yes.
Daniel: These Jenga Blocks are James’s and these are William’s.
Me: Who on earth are James and William?
Daniel: Don’t your remember the Williamites and the Jacobites?
Ireland
Once More, With Feeling
I was telling a bunch of friends about my brother’s experience in Poland and one of them came up with this story from her youth.
She had just qualified and was hitching home to the midlands. She was picked up by a man and she told him all about herself and her qualifications. She decided it was time to give him a chance to say something. “What do you do yourself?” she asked. “I’m in the music business,” he said. “Are you a roadie?” she asked. “No,” he said, “do you know Foster and Allen? I’m Allen.”
Euro 2012 Story
My brother was in Poland for the football. He got on the train from where he was staying to go to the venue and there were loads of other Irish fans. He noticed one guy wearing a Cork city/Ireland shirt and being from Cork, he went to chat with him.
My brother admired the other guy’s shirt. Shirt guy was from West Cork and confirmed, upon my brother asking, that he went to almost all the Cork city matches. This requires a certain amount of dedication because driving from West Cork to the city takes a good hour. My brother was impressed. He confessed that he would like to wear a Cork city shirt too but felt that he couldn’t reasonably do so as he hadn’t attended matches since he had been in college. He confided to his new friend, “It’s so long ago that Johnny Caulfield was the top goalscorer”. To which shirt guy replied, “I am Johnny Caulfield”.
The Way We Live Now
When I was growing up in Cork, there was nowhere that sold garlic. My mother used to buy it in France in the summer and bring it home. I didn’t taste pesto until I went to Naples as an au pair for the summer when I was 18 (remind me to tell you about that sometime). I was doing my shopping the other night and I noticed that you could buy 3 different types of pine nuts. Seriously, three types? And 6 different makes of chorizo; 6 different makes people. I don’t know; whatever happened to meat and two veg?
Mind you, it has come full circle in one way. My friend’s parents had their shopping delivered. Even then, in the 70s, I knew that was old fashioned and that everyone went to the supermarket. The man would come to their door with the big brown boxes and they would sit down and prepare a list with him for what they needed next week. I thought it was very odd. But here we are, all getting our shopping delivered again but now it’s by international corporations rather than locally owned groceries. This does seem a pity. But still, now we get three kinds of pine nuts. Progress, I suppose.
Penance
We had the American priest for mass again. He made us call out “promise-bridge-freedom” during the sermon. Several times. We called out lustily because we knew he wouldn’t stop until we had made enough noise. But our tone was distinctly doleful. For the creed, he made us say “absolutely” as he read out each line in turn. Priest: “I believe in one God, the Father almighty maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.” Pause. Cringe. Congregation: “Absolutely”. And so on.
In All Fairness
Like the middle aged mother I am, I stood staring at mobile phone covers in the Vodafone shop for a long time trying to work out what would suit me best. A shop assistant came up, advised, put me out of my misery and switched on my roaming for me. I could feel that the people behind me in the queue might have been a bit tense on their lunch breaks but I was a happy woman.
And then, you may recall that Mr. Waffle got me a new phone for Christmas. Part of the rather generous deal was that he would cover the bills. From time to time, I would hear him muttering darkly as he wrestled with the internet billing system. To no avail. Between January and June, no bills came. He began to get concerned. He went to the Vodafone shop. “Oh sorry sir” said they [or words to this effect – does anyone say sir anymore?] “Entirely our fault; there’s a problem with our billing system. We won’t charge you for the period between Christmas and June.”
Am I feeling warm and fuzzy towards vodafone, oh yes I am.