Michael explores.
Because it’s there
Boys
Recent culinary disasters or this is all very dull stuff but why should I suffer alone?
A while ago, I had some cold cauliflower which I decided to use up by turning into cauliflower cheese. I was undaunted by two significant facts which in retrospect should have daunted me: Mr. Waffle and the Princess do not like cauliflower cheese and I had never made it before. I turned to Mr. Conran for help (one of the many cookery books Mr. Waffle brought to our marriage). The quantities were for a head of cauliflower and it all seemed surprisingly complex. This is where I made my first mistake. I decided I couldn’t be dividing everything by four so I cooked the rest of the cauliflower. Then, Mr. Conran’s recipe had tricky bits in it like “make a mornay sauce†but add extra butter. So with a greasy thumb, I flicked between the cauliflower cheese and the mornay sauce recipe. And then it transpired that the mornay sauce recipe was a variant of another recipe on a different page; you know the kind of thing “as x sauce but with ingredient a instead of b and five times more câ€. So I created a lifetime’s supply of cheese sauce using recipes from three different pages of the book. It tasted quite nice too but that didn’t encourage the Princess or Mr. Waffle to indulge and a head of cauliflower cheese lies waiting in small packets in the freezer to be fed to my sons over the rest of their lives until they leave home when they will be taking the remainder with them to university.
Regular readers will, I am sure, recall that I bought wild boar in the supermarket months ago. Last week, I decided to cook it. I used Mr. Waffle’s “La cuisine pour tous†which is a terse French cookbook originally published in 1932. It assumes a lot of knowledge on the part of the reader. None of your sissy modern day explanations for Ms. Mathiot although she does give excellent instructions on how to manage the hired help and how to lay a family dinner table. The recipe for the marinade gave quantities for some of the ingredients in dl. I was not sure how much a dl was and neither was Mr. Waffle and none of our cookbooks gave instructions on this point and we were too lazy to turn on the computer (foolish, foolish people). We decided how much a dl was (by looking into our hearts and comparing the results) and using the handy calpol measuring spoon we carefully spooned in what we believed to be the correct quantity of vinegar. The beast was marinaded and on Friday night served up to my misfortunate family. Actually, the boar itself wasn’t too bad. A bit gamey but not tough. Regrettably the sauce didn’t taste of cloves or peppers or sherry or red wine (3/4 of a litre) or anything really, other than vinegar. I am reassessing our guess on dl quantities. Mr. Waffle and I gamely (ha, ha) ate some but the Princess, very sensibly, refused to have any truck with it. However, later in the evening on our way to the cinema, Mr. Waffle turned to me and said “I’m not quite sure how to put this but, do you think we could stop for a toasted sandwich?â€. Who was I to quibble. And to round off the evening, the film was quite, quite dreadful. May I recommend that you avoid Code 46? Having seen Samantha Morton in this, Minority Report and Morvern Callar, I have decided that I have suffered enough and I am going to foreswear any film in which she features in future. Happy Feet, anyone?
And finally, in other news, the royal grandparents are in situ for the week, minding the Princess for mid-term. They are not yet exhausted from their labours but we aim to send them back to Dublin shrivelled husks. Mind you, the Princess refused to go out with them this morning because she wanted to stay home admiring herself in her Snow White carnival outfit. They took Michael out instead (Daniel was napping) and he nearly expired from happiness at having two grown-ups all to himself. She did let them take her out this afternoon though. I am sorry, obviously, that I didn’t mention to her grandparents that she has got into the habit of putting on as many underpants as she can at a time. Not as sorry though as her grandmother who had to take her to the toilet in the local cafe and help her out of 14 pairs of underpants.
To summarise
Daniel has been vomitting on and off all week. On our worst night we got to change his bedclothes three times. We went into town yesterday (we are your worst nightmare, a double buggy, two parents and a three year old and, yeah, we probably could have gone in during the week) and took ourselves to the Metropole to revive our flagging spirits – I recommend it, it has the cleanest toilets in Brussels. So, as we sat in splendour here it was inevitable, really, that Daniel would throw up all over the rug. With admirable calm, we stripped him down to his nappy (which he then insisted on removing but it was hastily restored) reclad him, apologised to the waiter and took ourselves and our kit to the adjoining table. On the good news front for Daniel, he has started to walk, though, understandably, not very steadily or very fast. This is unfortunate for him. Michael has gathered that there is praise to be had for walking so he either out runs Daniel into waiting parental arms or, as Daniel is balancing delicately having just stood up with great effort, Michael barges past him and knocks him over. It is not easy being a twin.
Daniel and the Princess are cautious children. I know that this is unusual and I am grateful. Michael is not cautious, I suppose that this is normal. It is scaring the bejaysus out of me. Yesterday I found him trying to surf on the coffee table. Earlier in the day I heard a tap tap noise and I sent the Princess to investigate “it’s just Michael standing on the chair and rocking back and forth”. When I sit him on the counter in the kitchen, he is dangling off it by his fingertips in moments. His sister has sat on that countertop for over three years and when she wants to get down, she still asks me to lift her.  I let him sit at the computer keyboard. He used this opportunity to climb up on the desk and on to the bookshelves. I’m a shadow of my former self. On Friday he went to the creche on his own because Daniel was vomitting. Mr. Waffle stayed home with Daniel and I took Michael in. He was a bit clingy at first but was lured away from me by a pink buggy and when I went he had barely a backward glance for me as he wheeled his treasure round the premises. When I collected him he had spent 7 hours in the creche, the longest period he and Daniel have ever spent apart. I asked how it had gone. Absolutely fine except when he woke up from his nap and looked around for Daniel. I have to say, Michael was pleased to see me, but then he always is, in the gratifying manner of young children. He ran around the room picking up little things for me and handing them over saying solemly “ank u” a noise I believe to be thank you. Daniel, safely at home with his father, didn’t seem to have noticed Michael’s absence at all. Perhaps he was doing some work on his walking.
They’re both starting to talk more. I encourage them to kiss each other and when they do we all clap hands and say “Bravo”. The other day, I was distracted and Daniel kissed Michael and I failed to react. “BWABO!” said Daniel indignantly clapping his hands. He can still say “that” and “the bath”. They can both say “Hi” as well as “Mama”, “Papa” and “bye”. It’s maybe not enough to get by in a foreign country but they’re getting there.
An old friend of mine came to visit at the weekend. He came with a friend of his whom I know slightly. His friend asked whether I was working with 3 small children. “Yes” I said proudly. “So am I” added Mr. Waffle indignantly. I think we have a mountain to climb on this feminism thing. My friend is gay and so is his friend though they are not partners. I don’t know why but the Princess was inspired to investigate the whole issue of gay marriage during their visit.
Her: Mummy, can men get married?
Me: Yes.
Her: To each other?
Me: Yes, certainly in Belgium.
Her: Are T and N married.
Me: Um, no, I don’t think so.
T and N: NO!
T (kindly): And if we were, you would certainly have made the cut for the wedding.
The Princess would like to be a flower girl.
She also wants to know who made God. Any tips?
She sings
Yes, I know, more videos of my children, well you don’t have to look, if you don’t want to. I’d like you to know that her devoted aunt thinks she may have perfect pitch. Ahem. What do you think?
Wish me luck, I’m off to collect herself from school, thereafter we go to the creche to collect the boys and then on to the doctor’s where at least two of them will have to have jabs. I quake with fear, people.
Random
Firsts:
Michael walked across the room today. Daniel cannot do this and he is bitter.
The Princess remembered where she had left her doggy. She also reminded us that my brother is coming to visit next week; we have a lot on our minds, some things leak out.
I answered an internet questionnaire thingy for Peggy. I don’t normally do these things because I’m too lazy, but there you go. I sit here with my little fingers frozen to the keyboard to oblige (did I mention that we have no hot water and no heating tonight?)
1. Attrapez le livre le plus proche, allez à la page 18 et écrivez la 4ème ligne. corpses: most lie within what has become popularly known as
2. Sans vérifier, quelle heure est-il ? 23.49
3. Vérifiez :23.51
4. Que portez-vous ?
Electric blue Christmas present fleece over work clothes – not a great look.
5. Avant de répondre à ce questionnaire, que regardiez-vous ?
Flickr – trying to work out the mysteries of photo posting. I may be making progress.
6. Quel bruit entendez-vous à part celui de l’ordinateur ?
Nothing – all is silence though I expect to hear a little cry shortly.
7. Quand êtes-vous sortie la dernière fois, qu’avez-vous fait ?
I went out to the night shop to buy milk for the boys. They have consumed in excess of 3 litres since yesterday. Sigh
8. Avez-vous rêvé cette nuit ?
No. I slept from 11.00 to 6.00 and only got out of bed at 8.15. Fabulous.
9. Quand avez-vous ri la dernière fois ?Not since my loving spouse went to bed at 10.00 telling me not to stay playing with the computer all night. Can it really be nearly midnight?10. Qu’y a-t-il sur les murs de la pièce où vous êtes ?
A picture of men with currachs. A picture of yachts in Cork harbour framed by John Gilbert of Patrick Street, Cork: Print Seller, Frame Maker, Leather and Fancy Goods; Optician to the Eye Hospital and to the Faculty. A man of positively Victorian talents. A port of Cork calendar. A couple of Giles Norman prints of, um, boats. I am somewhat surprised by the nautical theme here. And a picture of her highness taken just before she finished at the creche. I remember Heather writing once about those houses which have acres of family pictures everywhere you look and I cringed in recognition but what can I say, I have three children and everyone conspires to photo them and charge me for it. And then, of course, there are my own sins of photography. There is also a list of school holidays, creche holidays and work holidays. Behind me are two of Bobble‘s beautiful photos which Mr. Waffle got me as an inspired present and a stained glass picture we got as a wedding present. I would go on, but I think we’re all getting tired of this exercise.
11. Si vous deveniez multimillionnaire dans la nuit, quelle est la première chose que vous achèteriez ?
A house in Dublin sufficient for our needs. Three story over basement in the centre with a large garden. Oh rats, only a multimillionaire? I was hoping for billionaire status.
12. Quel est le dernier film que vous ayez vu ?
Angela’s Ashes. Why?
13. Avez-vous vu quelque chose d’étrange aujourd’hui ?
No.
14. Que pensez-vous de ce questionnaire ?
It’s long – Peggy, why did you make me do it? I should be in bed.
15. Dites-nous quelque chose de vous que ne savons pas encore.
You know everything about me. No, wait, let me think. Actually, yes, you do.
16. Quel serait le prénom de votre enfant si c’était une fille ?
Well, Cecelia, if Mr. Waffle didn’t hate it so much that he would have to spit every time he said it.
17. Quel serait le prénom de votre enfant si c’était un garçon ?
Well, I’m thinking maybe Michael, maybe Daniel. Is everyone else on the internet too young to have children?
19. Que voudriez-vous que Dieu vous dise lorsque vous franchirez les portes du paradis ?
Wishy washiness rewarded, or, perhaps, more traditionally, blessed are the peacemakers.
20. Si vous pouviez changer quelque chose dans le monde en dehors de la culpabilité et la politique, que changeriez-vous ?
I’m not sure I understand culpabilite but if it means, no world peace type choices then, as a former Miss World candidate, I’m baffled. Did I tell you that a friend of mine’s uncle married a former Miss World. It’s been a curse to her; she has very beautiful cousins.
21. Aimez-vous danser ?
Yes, I’m just not very good at it.
22. Georges Bush ?
Do I like him or his policies? I think he is probably a pleasant dinner companion and, if he were a friend of your parents, you’d probably think that he and Laura were lovely people. I bet they’d look at all the photos of your children too. As for policies, well, I don’t even think that George likes those much any more.
23. Quelle est la dernière chose que vous ayez regardée à la télévision ?
Holby City. Oh dear.
24. Quelles sont les 4 personnes qui doivent prendre le relais sur leur blog ?
Nobody will have to suffer. Thank you and good night.
The nightmare of the working mother or moan, groan, grizzle, whinge
I got home the other day to find the house empty yet tidy. No note, nothing. Logically, I knew that the childminder had probably just taken them for a walk but deep down I thought this is it I’m always whining about the children and their mess and now I’m being punished in a “monkey’s paw” kind of way. Yes, they all came back, since you ask.
The childminder had a friend to help her the other day and the Princess took a real shine to this friend, so much of a shine that when the friend tried to leave the Princess clung to her and begged pathetically to go too. This was not entirely pleasing to me. It also happened when one of our regular babysitters was here the other day. Then when I was collecting her from school the other day, she refused to leave the afterschool fun and games until she had watched the end of a cartoon. How pleasing this is to a mother.
Finally, yesterday afternoon, I had to go to a meeting at very short notice. Regular readers (hi Mum) will recall that I don’t normally work Friday afternoons but part of the deal is that, if they need me, I will be there. It doesn’t arise very often but I would like a bit more notice when it does. So, to be there I had to arrange a babysitter to collect the Princess from school and reschedule an appointment I had made to take the boys to the paediatrician; do you think anyone was particularly grateful? No, of course not.
In non-whiny news, we no longer have lice, rejoice! Also, if you wish, you may hear the Princess recite a cautionary verse in a somewhat alarming fashion.