Daniel: When I grow up, I want to be an assassin.
Me: Oh sweetheart.
Daniel: What?
Me: Oh honey, you can’t be an assassin.
Herself: I thought that you said we could be anything we wanted to be.
Boys
How the Mighty have Fallen
Daniel:What are the dark ages?
Me:Well, after the Fall of Rome..
Him: With the Goths and the Vandals and the Ostrogoths..
Me: That’s it. Well people forgot about a lot of the things that they used to know and there wasn’t much science but then the renaissance came [Insert digression here on the topic “what do you think renaissance means?”*]
Mr. Waffle: But before that the flame of civilisation was kept alive by monks on a tiny island. Do you know where that was?
Children in chorus: Ireland.
Mr. Waffle: That’s right and there’s a story about how Charlemagne the great Emperor wanted to know about solar eclipses and an Irish monk had to explain it to him.
Herself (slightly sourly): And only look at us now.
*Is it any wonder my poor children tend to wander away from the table over dinner?
Last Weekend
I took the children to Cork last weekend. We went to Charles Fort again and Michael said bitterly, “Why oh why do we have to go here every time we come to Cork?” Because it’s nice and I can get in free with my heritage card. And also, Daniel got to drink hot chocolate through a straw at the Bulman. Are these not reasons enough?
Medikidz!
The boys are rather taken with a series of books called “Medikidz” which they found in the library. A group of superheroes explain various medical conditions. The texts are, I understand, medically accurate but very dull. Nevertheless, the boys are captivated. So far we have covered childhood obesity, autism, breast cancer and brain tumours. And there are lots more where those came from. I find it all mildly disturbing. Daniel said to me the other evening, “I have a headache, do you think it could be a brain tumour?” Then at the weekend I overhead him telling my brother that there are 12 different kinds of brain tumours. Oh dear.
Stay Focussed
Part 1
Mr. Waffle: Michael, if you had a time machine and could go back to any time, when would you go to?
Michael: To when the dinosaurs were wiped out.
Mr. Waffle: That’s a good idea because no one knows why they were wiped out although there are lots of theories.
Michael: Yes and because no one knows why they were wiped out, if I came back with that information, I could sell it for a lot of money and then I could buy an x-box.
Part 2
Michael: I know how to get my x-box.
Me: How’s that?
Michael: There’s a competition in the Beano to win an x-box.
Me (diffidently): I suppose, other children might enter also. And I think you need to phone from the UK..
Michael: Weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Part 3
Michael: I know how to get a free x-box.
Mr. Waffle: How’s that Michael?
Michael: Get it from Santa!
Even, if Santa fails to deliver, savings continue to mount up.
For the Purposes of Maintaining a Complete Record
Daniel lost another tooth on Wednesday. All day long around here it’s just the plink, plink of falling teeth. The tooth fairy is going to be beggared before the year is out.
