Archives for November 2005

Sick

3 November, 2005
Posted in: Family

All last week I had a sore throat but Friday to Tuesday it got really miserable and I couldnÂ’t swallow. Mercifully, the parents-in-law were here to baby mind and I was able to nap during the day but I hadnÂ’t really expected to spend most of their stay languishing in bed. Nights were particularly miserable and, at least once every night, I found myself standing at the microwave (heating a bottle), weeping (the pain, the exhaustion) and drooling (the inability to swallow) and hearing the boys wailing in the background. All is much better now though, however, if you subscribe to any religion please beg your gods to ensure that it is not passed on to any of my many children.

Incidentally, I stocked up on a number of over the counter remedies to try to address my symptoms, most of which were useless but especially useless was a throat spray rejoicing in the name of “NeogolaseptineÂ®”. You can see, of course, why they decided on this as a registered trademark. It’s a name to conjure with really. In my mind’s
eye, I see them all brainstorming “what kind of name can we use which will inspire consumers with confidence, give them a clear idea what the product does and stick in their memories?” They must all have been delighted when they came up with Neogolaseptine.

Comments

NorahSplog

on 03 November 2005 at 15:25

Poor Waffly. All sympathies. I’m revoltingly throaty and snotty too. But I don’t have three small children. Did I mention that you get all the sympathy?

Minkleberry

on 03 November 2005 at 15:31

Ouch! poor you- that sounds truly miserable. Not to mention the Neogolaseptine… 2
Sweetie(s) given

(Homepage)

on 03 November 2005 at 19:13

Thanks be that you’re back. I was afraid you were ill, after all that regular posting, and then NOTHING. Either that or that you had hired yet more help and were on a marathon bout of shoe shopping. Feel better!

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2005 at 21:27

Lauren, like my daughter, I occasionally have difficulties stringing English sentences together.
Norah, you are kind and good. As are you Minks.
Kristin, I am touched by your concern and much better.

Gosh, just noticed the sweeties. Thanks guys.

UndercoverCookie

neogola sounds like near-goal, like they were watching a footie match and it came to them what to call it.

belgianwaffle

Really, that’s as likely an explanation as any.

Royal visit

3 November, 2005
Posted in: Family

The royal grandparents aside from allowing their sick daughter in law to sleep also bonded with their grandchildren and brought them mountains of presents. The Princess was delighted to have them here and the boys were fed (which is really the height of their demands at the moment).Â I did feel mildly guilty at one stage as grandma went off to the park with her crutch, the Princess and her buggy but I’Â’m a catholic, we have strategies for dealing with guilt.

I am gratified that my parents-in-law seem to enjoy my blog (hi guys). My father in
law, the captain of industy, pointed out that I donÂ’t seem to update when we have
people staying. I said Â“well, I suppose that IÂ’m busy doing other thingsÂ”. Â“YesÂ”, said he Â“I notice that you didn’Â’t blog at all while your mother was overÂ”.Â Â“Well, that might have been because I was in the hospital after having given birthÂ”.

Comments

Friar Tuck

on 04 November 2005 at 03:41

He’s a captain of industry! You cannot expect him to be acquainted with all the technicalities of childbirth. Anyway, don’t they have wireless laptops or something for you to use in the hospital? Seems a colossal waste of time just lying around doing nothing.
Push. Breathe. Type. Repeat.

belgianwaffle

on 04 November 2005 at 09:28

OK, check out the gentlemen’s comments. May you both be reincarnated as mothers of twins.

poggle

on 05 November 2005 at 07:46

Those boys have always been tempted by the dark side, waffley – especially that Friar …

jackdalton

on 05 November 2005 at 12:11

But there is a great power there that can bring balance to The Force

belgianwaffle

Pog, now look what you’ve started. Jack, stop it.

poggle

Sorry waffley – I should’ve known … Tch. Boys.

belgianwaffle

Indeed you should, I hope that there will be no more in this vein from the lads but I sincerely doubt it.

4 November, 2005
Posted in: Miscellaneous

Efforts to make me the kind of person you could safely introduce to polite society continue apace. When I say anything
untoward, the Princess says Â“donÂ’t say (insert appropriate swear word)
MummyÂ”. She seems to recognise the words
from the tone in which I say them and usually sheÂ’s right though the other day
she said Â“donÂ’t say believe me MummyÂ” and I was able to reassure her that that
was entirely kosher. At breakfast with
her grandparents, while they were visiting, I was foolish enough to say Â“shag
itÂ”.

Â“DonÂ’t say shag it MummyÂ”

Â“What else canÂ’t Mummy say?Â” asked an agent
provocateur and to my absolute horror my daughter proceeded as follows:

DonÂ’t say damn it Mummy

DonÂ’t say fuck it Mummy

DonÂ’t say feck it Mummy

DonÂ’t say God Almighty Mummy

DonÂ’t say Sweet Jesus Mummy

And was only shut up by being bundled from the
table by her mortified mother.

Comments

Bobble

on 04 November 2005 at 09:56

I think a career in the government beckons. Remind me if I have children to bring them up on the ‘Waffle Model’.

0
Sweetie(s) given

Locotes

on 04 November 2005 at 12:34

It appears Mummy swears quite a lot. And with some hefty variety too. Well, you have two new brains to mould to your swearing ways now…

0
Sweetie(s) given

kristin

(Homepage)

on 04 November 2005 at 16:59

Wow. i agree with Locotes, that is some variety. The othr day my little almost-3-year-old said, with startlingly adult weariness and intonation, “Oh, dear GOD, what next?” and proceeded to throw her dollie across the room. Just a parenting note, i don’t toss ~her~ when i say it.

Friar Tuck

on 04 November 2005 at 18:37

Brilliant! But surely she must have had some parental guidance on which words mummy should not say?

beachhutman

on 04 November 2005 at 19:33

When my girl was very young and I’d take her to the swings, she had a squeal, very loud, calling for another shove. Unfortunately it sounded a hell of a lot like “Fuck”, and I collected a LOT of stares!

0
Sweetie(s) given

poggle

on 05 November 2005 at 07:55

My nephew (then 3) was playing with his new train set – one of those lovely wooden ones that uses magnets to connect the carriages after a hefty Christmas lunch. As the carriages were pulled over a humpbacked bridge, the rear ones gave up and rolled back down the track. He kneeled up, put his chubby fists on his hips and intoned: “Well, fuck me!”.
Cue various adults purple-faced and weeping trying to stifle their mirth and my sister silently mouthing other obscenities at her partner – the guilty party.

0
Sweetie(s) given

jackdalton

on 05 November 2005 at 12:00

You should see the impact that “Where’s my fookin spoon?” can have on a restaurant until it becomes clear that the young lady in question is actually asking her (inexperienced)babysitter for a fork and spoon.

0
Sweetie(s) given

ladyjane

on 05 November 2005 at 15:49

Is “shag it” a Limerick thing do you think?

Kate_Sith

on 07 November 2005 at 10:46

My sister dropped something and in an attempt to stop swearing quite so much in front of her children said ‘Oh shhh-ugar’ to which the response from her 3 year old was ‘Why did you just nearly say shit, mummy?’

0
Sweetie(s) given

belgianwaffle

on 07 November 2005 at 14:45

Oooh, I do like all the other swearing stories. Thank you people. Ladyjane, think shag it is nationwide but prepared to hear arguments for Limerick.

0
Sweetie(s) given

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Early Days

7 November, 2005
Posted in: Boys, Family, Princess

Since the arrival of the boys, the Princess likes to hear stories about when she was small(er) and while her grandparents were over, I told her the story of grandad’s lost underpants which I have previously blogged about but which I repeat below for your delectation:

My father-in-law, the captain of industry, resorted to handwashing. However, my mother-in-law determined that the captâ€™s clothes would never dry in the shower and put them on the balcony, from whence â€œa garmentâ€ drifted down into the private area of the guesthouse. A couple of days later I was witness to the exquisitely embarrassing moment when the lady of the house asked my poor mortified father-in-law whether the garment she was holding between outstretched finger and thumb belonged to him.

The Princess liked the story and now, regularly, when I put her to bed she says, “Tell me the story of grandad’s underpants again.”

By the by, I have found a pair of black men’s underpants nestling under the heater in the spare room. I wonder whose they are?

In other news, the boys are six weeks old today. The books tell us that we may confidently expect smiles from now on. I suspect that Faith and G are much more likely to get first smiles as they tend to gaze at the boys lovingly while feeding them while their nearest and dearest tend to read the papers. Oh have a heart, weâ€™re still knee deep in newsprint from the parent-in-law visit and somebody has to read all those Guardians.

Example of dialogue with husband:
Me: Whenever I see you with one of the babies, Iâ€™m reminded of that bit from Hilary Clintonâ€™s autobiography (which we listened to on tape while on holiday one Summer, NOT recommended, hugely tedious).
Him: The bit where she talks about the cold meat selection at Nelson Mandelaâ€™s inauguration?
Me: No.
Him: The bit where they fill the swimming pool in India with mineral water for her?
Me: NO.
Him:Oh alright the bit where Chelsea bites Bill on the nose to try to get his attention.

Comments

giftofthegab

on 07 November 2005 at 17:23
how do you know the pants belong to a black man? oh wait, i see. iâ€™m also agog. happy 6 weeks!

jackdalton

on 07 November 2005 at 21:06
Probably Locoteâ€™sâ€¦

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2005 at 08:10
Minks, er, itâ€™s not 6 weeks, clearly my focus isnâ€™t all it might be.
GoG, very funny, maybe my syntax does need some work thoughâ€¦
JD, I beg your pardon??

7 November, 2005
Posted in: Miscellaneous

My shampoo is made with kiwi, kumquat and
fig. What on earth is this about? Washing-up liquid is available in Â“red berryÂ”
for those who are tired of traditional lemon.
Very odd.

Comments

Minkleberry

on 07 November 2005 at 19:34

oooh, I could just eat fig and kumquat.

0
Sweetie(s) given

jackdalton

on 07 November 2005 at 21:02

‘waf: you better hide the shampoo if Minks is ever in town.

0
Sweetie(s) given

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2005 at 08:11

Knobber, Minks, were you two in the focus group?
JD, quite.

0
Sweetie(s) given

NorahSplog

on 08 November 2005 at 11:04

I once worked with a chef who was terrified of kumquats.

0
Sweetie(s) given

Diva

on 08 November 2005 at 13:09

The chef terrified of kumquats? That could work to your advantage:
“Give me a raise or you’ll find less than a tangerine in your locker later”
Simple and effective :o)

0
Sweetie(s) given

UndercoverCookie

on 08 November 2005 at 14:45

well they started off by just putting vitamins in shampoo, making the bathroom the most nutritionally dense part of the house for some people. Now they’ve decided just to put a whole smoothie into the shampoo.
It’s all meant to seduce you. They don’t have Asparagus and Sprout Shampoo or Turnip and Cauliflower Conditioner.

0
Sweetie(s) given

Friar Tuck

on 08 November 2005 at 16:50

I think it was an Italian comedian who pointed out the irony that his lemonade was made with artificial flavour, but his floor wax was made with real lemons.

belgianwaffle

on 09 November 2005 at 15:14

Norah, I almost believe you. Diva, I like that.
UC, yum yum, turnip and cauliflower.
FT, excellent.

0
Sweetie(s) given

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8 November, 2005
Posted in: Miscellaneous

My sister told one of her Chinese colleagues about the boys.
“Twin boys” she gasped “every woman in China would like to be your
sister.” 2.5 billion Chinese can’t be wrong.

I am managing to breastfeed the twins together occasionally. This
is not easy; I fail to understand how other people manage to look so serene,
mind you, I note that they do all look indecent. I told my mother and she asked
“my goodness, do you feel like a cow?”. After a pause for
reflection, I said “no, more like a pig“.

We haven’t been out much yet. Partly because Michael had to stay
indoors until the weekend before last when he hit the 3 kilo mark,
partly because of the terrifying logistics involved. Also, we
were told that they would fit in the pram bit of our 3 in 1 thingy
until they were 4 months when we could transfer to the lightweight and
fab Maclaren. That turns out to be a snare and a delusion, there
is no way that they can both fit in the pram and I am reluctant to
shell out for a double pram for 3 or 4 months. I am going to
experiment today taking one in the sling and one in the pram.
Hold your breath for me.

And finally, Mr. Waffle has pointed out to me that the twins are 6
weeks old today not yesterday. It’s hard for me to concentrate
what with staying awake listening to the snuffling noises.

Comments

NorahSplog

on 08 November 2005 at 10:56

Ditto what H said – you are quite the hero. I read this blog with ever increasing awe. Good luck on your foray out.

0
Sweetie(s) given

Bobble

on 08 November 2005 at 11:31

Sounds like you need twin arms rather than a twin buggy my dear. Hope all is well with the snufflers.

0
Sweetie(s) given

Minkleberry

on 08 November 2005 at 15:49

oh shit- you mean you stay awake and listen to those noises with the next batch? I was hoping that was a once only obsession, and that this time round I’d be sleeping peacefully through extreme crying.

0
Sweetie(s) given

poggle

on 08 November 2005 at 16:22

I too am in awe …

0
Sweetie(s) given

jackdalton

on 08 November 2005 at 19:33

You Are My Hero. Please will you marry me as well as Mr W?

0
Sweetie(s) given

belgianwaffle

on 09 November 2005 at 15:18

Ta Heather, Norah, Bobble, Pog, outing was delightfully uneventful. Even had a cup of tea. Felt very daring but did not venture to bathroom.
Minks, I fear so…
JD absolutely, extra pair of hands would be extremely useful.

0
Sweetie(s) given

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